Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves. This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently. I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place. I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place. As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.
Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves.
This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently.
I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place.
I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place.
As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.
excerpt from “FYI, I Cannot “Demand” Respect From Men so Stop Telling Me That!" @ One Black Girl. Many Words. (via fajazo)
We need to start teaching all young boys to be accountable. We’ve failed our young boys and girls for too long.
heteronormativity for dummies or, “why homophobes aren’t the only problem”
You will not believe the shit I get for correcting people when they talk about my daughter like this. Just stop fucking assigning sexualities to babies jfc straight people
The City of New York approved a proposal by one of the largest real estate developers in the city to build in a ‘poor door’, or a separate door for residents living in affordable housing to enter their building.
'No one ever said that the goal was full integration of these populations,' David Von Spreckelsen, senior vice president at Toll Brothers, another developer specializing in luxury residencies, told The Real Deal in 2013. ‘So now you have politicians talking about that, saying how horrible those back doors are. I think it’s unfair to expect very high-income homeowners who paid a fortune to live in their building to have to be in the same boat as low-income renters, who are very fortunate to live in a new building in a great neighborhood.’
^ Are you fucking kidding me?!
wow really? what the fuck do y’all think is gonna happen if you use the same door as my poor Black ass? you think you might be forced to pay a living wage?
This sounds like a sneaky segregation/ Jim Crow reboot. How many Black & Brown folk y’all think are gonna be using that rich door instead of the “poor” one. Fuck these crackers, man.
^^^This exactly what is is. Except it’s not even “sneaky” this shit is blatant.
Reasons why October is the best month:
- Cold but dry weather
- Everything is pretty colours
- Pumpkin pie
- Pumpkin coffee
- Everything being made to look spooky
- Horror movies on TV all the time
- Jumper weather
- Dressing up as scary things
- Hot drinks
- Lots of sweets
The smell of dying leaves
If u don’t like October get the FUCK outta my house
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever been a stripper? Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever done porn? You’re the reason we exist. As they say in the industry, “People jack off with the left hand and point with the right.”
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever been to a strip club.
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever watched porn.
You’re the demand to our supply.
If you disdain sex workers, don’t you dare consume our labor.
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever been a stripper?
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever done porn?
You’re the reason we exist.
As they say in the industry, “People jack off with the left hand and point with the right.”
What the fuck is this bullshit and why was it recommended for me?
It’s not like men are involved in the creation of the baby or anything.
I mean shit, I understand that pregnancy is an extremely strenuous thing on the woman, but that doesn’t mean that a dude can’t be proud of the fact that he’s going to be a father.
Hmm. Weird how someone would want to be considered a part of the pregnancy…
There goes all of my respect for Mila Kunis.
My goodness, women like this have some fucking nerve. Good luck Ashton.
Pregnancy is a very dangerous time for cis-women. Until cis-men are capable of nine months of pain without the ability to take painkillers, followed by hours of one of the most painful experiences a human can undergo, I agree with Mila Kunis. It is your child. Not your pregnancy. You don’t get a fucking medal for sticking your dick inside someone and impregnating them, you get a child. So no, you don’t need a fucking spotlight highlighting your months of work and pain and the fact that you can potentially die trying to bring life into the world when you have not undergone any of the physical effort.
Things you can expect during pregnancy: Anemia, urinary tract infections, constipation, mental health conditions including intense depression, hyperemesis gravidarm (basically when persistent vomiting is more than just morning sickness and requires hospitalization). Not to mention there are dozens of infections that can cause serious problems. (x) (x)
Oh and the fact that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriages which obviously requires hospitalization for the pregnant woman and causes a lot of emotional trauma.
Or that you can’t consume alcohol, most types of fish, you can’t expose yourself to hot water (or any heat, really), or get an x-ray. You cannot eat lunch meats, raw sprouts (radishes, alfalfa, etc.), soft cheeses, anything unpasteurized is out, as are foods with raw or undercooked eggs. And caffeine can lead to miscarriages, so say goodbye to coffee, teas, and chocolate. (x) (x) (x)
About 2 million pregnancy losses occur annually in the U.S.; 6 million babies are born. 25% of pregnancies are lost.
14.5% of pregnant women will experience at least one pregnancy complication.
11% of women are diagnosed with post partum depression.
800 women die because of pregnancy-related problems in the U.S. annually. (x)
Labor can last for 36 hours or more. You’re in a room full of strangers, who are all seeing your vagina, your blood, your shit, your piss, and your agony. It’s common for tearing to occur during the delivery (x) and after the baby is born you still have to deliver the placenta (essentially an organ).
Pregnancy is terrifying, dangerous, and uncomfortable. None of you have the right to shit on Mila Kunis for telling the truth: You do not deserve the spotlight of your wife’s pregnancy. So get over yourselves. Yes, the father CAN be proud, and he should be. But it’s not his pregnancy. He is not the one who will endure it.
It is not weird that someone would want to be involved in their wife’s pregnancy. It is weird that you have the fucking nerve to lose respect for someone reminding you that the father is not the pregnant one in the picture.
So please, stop.
Today in male entitlement: now women ”have some nerve” if they remind men that they are not, in fact, the pregnant ones.
I love this post so so much
Your feelings are valid simply because you feel them.
— something lovely my therapist said (via heureun)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released seven years ago - July 21, 2007.
Arturo is a 29-year-old male polar bear currently living in Argentina’s Mendoza Zoo. He is suffering in 40C (104F) heat in an enclosure that has just 20 inches of water for him to swim in and has as a consequence been displaying worrying behavior.
Please sign this petition or at least spread the word in order to have Arturo transferred to a zoo in Canada which has better facilities for an animal that is used to polar conditions.
sign this or dieFree Him
PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION, IT STILL HASNT REACHED ITS QUOTA AND WE GOTTA SAVE THIS BEAR!!!
Please do it! :’(
The opposite end of traditional “street harassment”: the girl who never gets cat called
In feminist spaces I see a lot of feminists complain about being street harassed. I read about it and I totally sympathize with their experiences, even though I have never experienced them myself. I am a female myself but am not conventionally attractive. I am not hideous but more or less a plain jane. On top of that I have ALWAYS valued comfort over style, so dressing feminine isn’t something I do on a regular basis. I wear a lot of loose jeans and T-shirts. But yeah, anyway, know that I am not trying to play “who has it harder” or anything but rather I am making this to share my experiences of getting the opposite end of the shit-covered stick that is street harassment that I don’t see being mentioned. I call it street dismissal.
When I say street dismissal I am talking about men who feel the need to subtly announce that unattractive women are not worthy of respect or acknowledgement because they are not a conventionally attractive female or their fellow man.
Some examples I’ve personally experienced include:
- Many guys at parties will arrive or leave, give all the men handshakes, give the attractive women hugs, but won’t even make eye contact with me. I am not a guy or a hot girl so I don’t exist.
- I’ve been bumped into in public without an apology by men. I am not an attractive girl or your fellow man, so it makes sense for you to not even notice I am there.
- One time I was walking behind a group of attractive women. A guy spotted us. Opened the door for the three women and shut the door in my face. I am not worthy of his time because I am not attractive.
- I once was charged a cover on ladies night because I went out to the bar in my work uniform. (red shirt khaki pants)
- Another time at a bar, I saw an open space to order a drink. The guy sitting next to me saw me, raised his eyebrows and turned the other way to make sure I don’t DARE try to talk to him. (Because I totally went there to hit on him and NOT get a drink right?)
- I once went with my gay male friend to a straight guy’s house he knew. The first thing out of the straight guy’s mouth was “I was totally excited when you had a chick with you. Nevermind!” The whole night he offered my friend drinks and didn’t offer me a thing and seemed frustrated when I asked where the bathroom was. The only other thing he said that night was “Do you have any hot single friends that would come over here?”
- Another time I went with a female friend of mine to get drinks. We met up with her guy friend. He ordered a round of beers for everyone except me. His excuse was “he didn’t know she was going to bring someone along and he is low on money” that was until his guy friend from high school showed up unexpectedly and he quickly bought him a drink.
These are just examples that have happened to me. So my question is are there any other “unattractive” girls out there that experience things similar to this?
I just wanted to speak from the other perspective. We always hear the horror stories of sexism from the perspective of the women who are objectified by men in the sense of “oo I want that.” and not too many in the sense of “oo, ew DO NOT WANT.”
This may seem like a big long rant that looks like “WAH PRETTY GIRLS GET THINGS AND I DON’T OH MY LIFE SUCKS” but I don’t mean to come off that way. Because I feel the need to mention that guys don’t do this just to get laid. This is where it’s important to bring up the fact that we are treated with less respect than other men. Men aren’t decent people to other men because they want to fuck them. They are decent to them because they see them as equals that deserve basic respect and acknowledgement. But we are women and to these men either you try to fuck them because they are hot or want them to go away. An unattractive woman has no purpose to him.
Misogyny affects all women negatively.
When I saw the first line I thought this post was going to be a boohooing tale about someone who desperately wanted to get harassed by men for hotness validation, but it was nothing of the sort. This is important and we should definitely see this brought up more in conversations regarding men’s general attitudes toward and interactions with women.
I hear stories like this mostly from big women or women who used to be a lot bigger than they are now. A woman told me she was once straight up punched in the face, after the guy told her she was disgusting and fat, and he just walked on and laughed. And the saddest part is that she told me, a lot of women harrassed her as well :(
OP is right, women are not left alone or “ignored” just because men dont find them attractive. And as the OP says, ignoring someone can be done in a rude and aggressive way.
And some people get both.
I’m a super fat women and I both get harassed/streetcalled/rubbed up on in public, but I also get completely ignored.
One time super late at night I was on the train and a complete stranger, a man, came up to me and started screaming at me and demanding money. I was reading a book and he got in my face and physically slapped it out of my hands and onto the floor, yelling and threatening me and demanding money and calling me names/insulting me. I loudly stated that I didn’t know him and asked him to leave me alone. Nobody in the train car reacted. The only other woman there stared stonily ahead (I don’t blame her at all). Finally, a tall guy stood up and walked toward me… to sit next to the (slender, conventionally attractive woman) putting his body between her and the screaming guy assaulting me. Nobody addressed the screaming man threatening me. Nobody pushed the brightly lit blue call button to notify the conductor. I didn’t matter. The other (thinner, more conventionally attractive) woman who was (not yet) in the line of fire mattered more than I did.
I wound up scrambling off the train just before the doors closed at the next stop, even though it wasn’t my stop and I knew there’d be a 20+ minute wait for the next train. I really hoped the guy wouldn’t be able to follow me out. Part of the reason I didn’t stay on until my stop (which was the next one after) was because I didn’t want him to disembark with me and follow me home… something that’s happened before.
There are a lot of different ways to harass women. Both responding aggressively to their femininity/perceived sexual availability and also denying it, devaluing them because they aren’t feminine enough. Both are harmful. Both just… chip away at the person, at the soul, at the worth of someone. It’s a constant slow eroding drip wearing us down.
Yes to all this. I’ve been sexually harassed, fat shamed and invisible depending on how someone decides how valuable I am to them. It cuts at you.
I think I’ve already reblogged this but I don’t care. It’s so important. It’s SO important. In our society, you either exist as an object to be fucked or you’re ignored or greeted with anger if you’re not deemed fuckable enough. And it’s perverse and disgusting and I am so tired of hearing these stories from women. We are more. Whether we’re thin or fat, conventionally attractive or plain, no matter what color we are, we deserve respect and we aren’t getting it, (and many times WOC get it worse than white women, which I think it’s important to remember) and it makes me so tired and so sad.
This needs to be spread. The worst I’ve been harassed is also the most difficult to understand: I was not even a block away from my workplace walking at 8am in the frigid Midwest in a long, black puffy coat with black tights and boots and a man in a car driving opens his window to yell “NICE PUSSY.” I only caught the tail end so I pretended it didn’t happen until he purposefully made a u-turn to pass by me to scream it AGAIN. Thankfully he didn’t stop to continue but seriously, he couldn’t see anything (certainly not my vagina) and I was still nothing but an object. I’ve taken to wearing my headphones walking back and forth from work (no more than a few blocks). Harassment in all forms is degrading and makes one feel like their personal safety is compromised. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories
PLEASE REBLOG AND SHARE THIS POST!
A Pro-Choice counter protest to some douchebags on the streets with big photos of horrible aborted fetuses (Some of which I question…) handing out pamphlets. The said thing is that there are children there. :(
One of the women up there is:
holy fuck these notes tho! thanks for liking my signage :)